What I Learned From Scouting.

August 10, 2012

This is just a small list of the things I learned in Scouting. These are by no means in any kind of order, be it chronological, level of importance, or amount of pain. Just listed as they came back to me.
While I was at the very least present for each event, I may have not been directly involved with said event.
I will endeavor to avoid names, but should they be necessary, know that they have been changed to protect the innocent, assist with ongoing therapy, or simply comply with probation mandates.
Many of these same lessons were re -proved in the Marine Corps. I may have to put together a list of those wonderful life lessons.
And now, without further adieu,

“What I Learned From Scouting.”

1. The leaves of the stinging nettle plant, while highly effective as toilet paper, are not recommended to be used as such.

2. A full can of Cutter insect repellent, after being in a campfire for approximately a minute and a half, will suddenly and violently spread said campfire across roughly half a group campsite, resulting in over $400 of ruined gear.

2b. When a HALF full can is used,  the campfire spread is nearly double, with close to $2000 in gear damage.
Who could have guessed.

3. An old school bb-gun, (the kind with no pressure limiter) when pumped over ten times, can shatter the plastic adjustment straps on the back of a Boy Scout ball cap.
The resulting welt was larger than a golf ball, and bled.

4. Head wounds bleed. A LOT.

5. Gravity works. (Usually against you)

6. Fireworks rockets won’t get you any further out on a rope swing.

7. Fireworks rockets don’t necessarily extinguish when they go under water.

8. Third degree burns SUCK.

9. When one Scout is doing something stupid, like throwing their knife into the tabletop, another Scout can easily top the stupid, by trying to grab the knife at the same time the first Scout goes to pull it out.

10. It is possible to get 87 stitches, at one time, in the palm of your hand.

11. After a Scoutmaster cuts 88 corners off your Totin’ chip card, the only thing you get back is one letter of your signature.

12. Some Scouts, when seeing a nearly severed hand, will vomit. This is always funny and will be used against you mercilessly the rest of the time you are in Scouts. Yes, Scouts are sick in the head.

13. Arrows fired straight up, may in fact come straight back down.

14. When you bring a Scout into the ER with an arrow in his leg, it is possible for the other four involved to be arrested on charges of “Being Stupid In Public.” (All five were later released to the custody of their parents, where suitable punishment for “Being Stupid In Public” were administered.)

15. With proper training, coordination, and teamwork, a motivated 8 man water-balloon slingshot team can overcome a smaller 3 man team that has control of the high ground and take command of said strategic spot. (In all fairness, they shot first.)

15b. While in possession of said high ground, it is possible for the 8 man team to at last find out the effective range of their monster water-balloon slingshot.

15c. The maximum range of a monster water-balloon slingshot, when fired from an elevated position, with a nice 20% grade on the backside, is well over 300 yards. This is also the effective range for an area target. (This covers nearly three quarters of a Scout Jamboree encampment area.)

15d. The maximum effective range on a point target is 200 yards. At 200 yards, a water-balloon smacking the plywood sides of the shower enclosure sounds REALLY cool. (We later learned that the sound we were hearing was the plywood shattering. Sorry, our bad.)

15e. It takes several seconds for a water-balloon to travel 200 yards. In that space of time someone may try and flee the shower, only to have that incoming balloon plow them in the side of the head.

15f. A one pound water-balloon, moving at sufficient velocity to travel 200 yards and still have enough energy to shatter plywood, is more than enough to render a half naked 14 year old COMPLETELY unconscious, and take him off his feet in a sideways cartwheel. Also, at 300 yards, said one pound balloon is not stopped at all by ANY form of tent material, be it nylon, canvas, aluminum or fiberglass tent polls, (we later learned. Again, sorry, our bad.)

15g. Teamwork is NOT always productive.

16. A skunk is ALWAYS an area effect weapon. They are NOT master snipers, who only take out the idiot poking them with a stick.

17. An electric fence can provide hours of entertainment to a troop of Scouts. (One has to wonder if the brain damage exists from birth, or do we do it to ourselves.)

18. At 30 MPH, snow is no longer fluffy, but has the consistency of cement, and packed snow/ice is effectively a cheese grater.

19. Bored Scouts with access to a nailing gun will ALWAYS result in a visit to the ER.

20. The short length of time it takes a Scoutmaster to retrieve qualified supervision and instruction on the operation of a trebuchet, is twice as long as it will take the troop to determine if the trebuchet can be used to make a Tenderfoot fly. (Please reference #5. if there are any questions about the results of this test)


January 9, 2011

Tomorrow is my mother’s birthday, and we found out at Christmas time that she may only have six months to live before her liver fails completely, and unlike Steve Jobs, we don’t have millions to buy our way to the top of the donor list.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to back over my head with a car so that she could have my liver.
I held my wife and cried. I went out in an empty field and screamed till I couldn’t make any more sound come out. I got down on my knees and prayed to my Heavenly Father and thanked him for all the time I have had with her in my life and begged him for just a little more.
I don’t know the pain of those who have lost their parents too early, yet. I think I will have rather the car run over my head.

More Squeeeeeee for the buck!

July 17, 2010

Some good news up here in North Dakota, The family will be joining me at the end of the month, not the three months we were worried about.

The big problem with this job is the lack of available housing. We knew that when we first started looking into it. Homes, (for rent) are in short supply here. That should read, nearly non-existent. However, in a surprise that is really on par with how easy this whole change has been going, Joanne located a place for us that is a half a block away from where I am working now. In the coming months, they will be building a new yard, but even then it will only be about three to four miles away. And best of all, we are moving in at the end of the month! Yea!

They are letting me take two extra days off to go back home and get them moved out here, then after that, I get to hug my family every time I get home.

Oh, and on another note, Joanne got a dog for us. An Australian Sheppard named Macy. The kids all love her and she is really well behaved. As long as she accepts me as part of the family too, this will be great.

I have never had a dog of my own. Growing up, all our dogs were either the “family” dog, or one of my brother’s. Yes, I know that this is a “family” dog too, but the difference, this is MY family. I worry that I am going to spoil her rotten.


June 4, 2010

Okay, I guess I should start with the fact that I left the trucking company I was working for just over two and a half weeks ago. I was never home, or when I was home it was much to short. I wasn’t earning enough for our family. On top of that, they were making me liable for things that should not have been my responsibility. When the safety guy told me that I should have let the car I avoided hit me instead as then the insurance would pay for it, that was the last straw.

Despite that, walking out on them felt horrible. I don’t quit. I will suffer for a long time, but for me to quit is rare. My dad taught me, you just don’t do that. It pains me even more knowing that it left them in a bad spot. But it had to be done.

These last two weeks I have been trying to find another job. One that was local, didn’t pay by the mile, and most importantly, where I felt valued. Early on there were two that looked really promising. However, after many delays on their part, I was starting to sweat mightily. Then my wife found a company online, (by accident, she was searching for a different company completely) and we checked them out.

Turns out they are the recruiting company for an oilfield service company that is expanding in North Dakota. Yes, you read right, North Dakota, as in NORTH of South Dakota, touching the border of Canada, and home of some of the coldest temperatures in the continental United States. (Sorry Alaska, you can’t play, you’re part of the arctic circle, unfair advantage.)

Now the job is not a cushy one, but it is one I know I can do. It pays well, but I would be separated from my family for at least four months, before I would be able to move them up to live with me. But, after that, I would be home every day, and of course, they offer great benefits. Short term pain, long term benefits and growth. It was a tough choice.

We prayed long and hard, and I even spent a day fasting and praying at Temple Square.  We decided that it is the right course.

This morning, I got a call early for a final phone interview, and at the end of it they offered me the position! I am so excited, yet nervous. It is going to be hard, but I know it is the right thing for our whole family. I am going to miss my wife and kids while we have to be apart, but I know that we will all be better for it in the end.

Now I just have to wait for the paperwork to arrive tomorrow, and then, Sunday, I will fly down to Texas for training!


Emotional crash and burn…

March 21, 2010

Been a rough couple of days.

Just heard that my mother is having liver problems, which was stress enough, then today, we agonizingly made the decision to take our oldest to the state psychiatric hospital.

My wife cried over it all night, while I was out here on the road and couldn’t be there for her. It is tearing me up inside, but I know it is the right thing to do.

Honestly, I feel like vomiting, it has me so knotted up.  No one likes to think they can’t raise their own child, but it has come to that. It is not safe for her at home for her, her siblings or for us.

So now I must turn my first born over to people I don’t know and who may or may not care what happens to her, and expose her to being abused or just constantly sedated. God help me, and whoever does it, if she is abused. I may go to jail, but they will face their creator immediately after I beat them into paste with a large hammer and then feed them through a wood chipper.

Now if you will excuse me, I’m going to go over here and cry my eyes out too.

Branching out/Moving in.

February 20, 2010

Well, I guess I had to get over here at WordPress eventually. So, here I am.
I am getting ready to start out going over the road again, so it is high time I get back to writing.
Things here may not come very fast or deep, but I will try and keep it going.

Hello world!

February 20, 2010

Welcome to WordPress.com. This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!