Pain

Tomorrow is my mother’s birthday, and we found out at Christmas time that she may only have six months to live before her liver fails completely, and unlike Steve Jobs, we don’t have millions to buy our way to the top of the donor list.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to back over my head with a car so that she could have my liver.
I held my wife and cried. I went out in an empty field and screamed till I couldn’t make any more sound come out. I got down on my knees and prayed to my Heavenly Father and thanked him for all the time I have had with her in my life and begged him for just a little more.
I don’t know the pain of those who have lost their parents too early, yet. I think I will have rather the car run over my head.

More Squeeeeeee for the buck!

Some good news up here in North Dakota, The family will be joining me at the end of the month, not the three months we were worried about.

The big problem with this job is the lack of available housing. We knew that when we first started looking into it. Homes, (for rent) are in short supply here. That should read, nearly non-existent. However, in a surprise that is really on par with how easy this whole change has been going, Joanne located a place for us that is a half a block away from where I am working now. In the coming months, they will be building a new yard, but even then it will only be about three to four miles away. And best of all, we are moving in at the end of the month! Yea!

They are letting me take two extra days off to go back home and get them moved out here, then after that, I get to hug my family every time I get home.

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Oh, and on another note, Joanne got a dog for us. An Australian Sheppard named Macy. The kids all love her and she is really well behaved. As long as she accepts me as part of the family too, this will be great.

I have never had a dog of my own. Growing up, all our dogs were either the “family” dog, or one of my brother’s. Yes, I know that this is a “family” dog too, but the difference, this is MY family. I worry that I am going to spoil her rotten.

SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Okay, I guess I should start with the fact that I left the trucking company I was working for just over two and a half weeks ago. I was never home, or when I was home it was much to short. I wasn’t earning enough for our family. On top of that, they were making me liable for things that should not have been my responsibility. When the safety guy told me that I should have let the car I avoided hit me instead as then the insurance would pay for it, that was the last straw.

Despite that, walking out on them felt horrible. I don’t quit. I will suffer for a long time, but for me to quit is rare. My dad taught me, you just don’t do that. It pains me even more knowing that it left them in a bad spot. But it had to be done.

These last two weeks I have been trying to find another job. One that was local, didn’t pay by the mile, and most importantly, where I felt valued. Early on there were two that looked really promising. However, after many delays on their part, I was starting to sweat mightily. Then my wife found a company online, (by accident, she was searching for a different company completely) and we checked them out.

Turns out they are the recruiting company for an oilfield service company that is expanding in North Dakota. Yes, you read right, North Dakota, as in NORTH of South Dakota, touching the border of Canada, and home of some of the coldest temperatures in the continental United States. (Sorry Alaska, you can’t play, you’re part of the arctic circle, unfair advantage.)

Now the job is not a cushy one, but it is one I know I can do. It pays well, but I would be separated from my family for at least four months, before I would be able to move them up to live with me. But, after that, I would be home every day, and of course, they offer great benefits. Short term pain, long term benefits and growth. It was a tough choice.

We prayed long and hard, and I even spent a day fasting and praying at Temple Square.  We decided that it is the right course.

This morning, I got a call early for a final phone interview, and at the end of it they offered me the position! I am so excited, yet nervous. It is going to be hard, but I know it is the right thing for our whole family. I am going to miss my wife and kids while we have to be apart, but I know that we will all be better for it in the end.

Now I just have to wait for the paperwork to arrive tomorrow, and then, Sunday, I will fly down to Texas for training!

SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Emotional crash and burn…

Been a rough couple of days.

Just heard that my mother is having liver problems, which was stress enough, then today, we agonizingly made the decision to take our oldest to the state psychiatric hospital.

My wife cried over it all night, while I was out here on the road and couldn’t be there for her. It is tearing me up inside, but I know it is the right thing to do.

Honestly, I feel like vomiting, it has me so knotted up.  No one likes to think they can’t raise their own child, but it has come to that. It is not safe for her at home for her, her siblings or for us.

So now I must turn my first born over to people I don’t know and who may or may not care what happens to her, and expose her to being abused or just constantly sedated. God help me, and whoever does it, if she is abused. I may go to jail, but they will face their creator immediately after I beat them into paste with a large hammer and then feed them through a wood chipper.

Now if you will excuse me, I’m going to go over here and cry my eyes out too.

Branching out/Moving in.

Well, I guess I had to get over here at WordPress eventually. So, here I am.
I am getting ready to start out going over the road again, so it is high time I get back to writing.
Things here may not come very fast or deep, but I will try and keep it going.

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